They say that the way you start off the new year is how the rest of the year will go. I sure hope not. It will not be a good year, if so.
I went to bed last night, snuggled in and drifting off even before midnight. I was awakened by the sound of fireworks exploding, welcoming the new year. Strangely, my mind turned to my mom. I always worry about her health, but something she said last night before I left–about seeing how she feels and if she’s “up to it” about going out, made me uneasy. “Why, you’re not feeling good?” I asked her. She just said, “No, but I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow, we’ll have to see.” That answer made me real uncomfortable. But I went on home to check on the pets, and decided to turn down early.
Her words came back just as I was stirring at midnight. I began to think of how she once remarked when seeing a bottle of aspirin expiring in 2008, “Wow, this will outlast me.” I don’t know what her doctor had told her, but I’m thinking he must’ve given her a timeline. Her last visit was not very good, either, according to my sister. But she won’t tell us what he said so we won’t worry. However, anyone who knows me knows I hate surprises. I don’t want to get that phone call one day. I already hold my breath everytime I hear the phone ring and see it’s my mom’s number. I don’t let it out until I hear my mom on the other end, or my sister in her regular, chirpy voice. Just thinking of not having her around brought me to tears, and I cried myself to sleep last night.
I had a dream. We were outside…but people were filing out, all dressed in black. A funeral, I immediately thought. It was all my family members, all filing out. My sister was next to me, and I nudged her, asking what is this for? Mom? But my mom appeared next to me, also dressed in black. “No, I’m right here,” she kept insisting. But my sister and I kept asking each other. Then I woke up. Now granted, the dream probably happened because of all the thoughts I had as I was falling asleep. But I sure hope that it’s not a sign of something to come up this year. I don’t think I could live with all that pain. I’d fall to pieces.
I kept dreaming all throughout the night (I kept waking up due to an upset tummy and sore arm). My next three dreams were about work…ugh! I can never get away from it, can I? Not even on vacation. The first one was me moving into a new classroom. But the classroom was at the elementary school I had gone to. I wonder what that says. I was wondering if I should transfer to a town school to be nearer to my mom. It was going to depend on my son’s acceptance into a private school–if he gets in, then I probably will. But if not…well, I don’t know yet. But that was an interesting dream.
Then the next time I fell asleep, I dreamt of having a “sit down” with the counselor & v.p. We have these every so often, so that we can keep each other abreast of any discipline or emotional problems the kids have. Anyway, the counselor was telling me of a time she had to reprimand one of my students in the cafeteria because …get this… he wouldn’t eat his curry. (Curry? Since when did we have curry for lunch?!) So she was explaining why he had to eat it, etc., when the v.p. went away to take a call. So I expressed my surprise, because this boy was a good student. “In your top ten?” she asked. “Yes!” I responded (which I thought was weird, because top ten is nearly half my class!). “Hmmm,” she pondered, then the v.p. came and sat back down, and the counselor turned to the v.p. and whispered, “She said he’s one of the top 10 in her class.” The v.p. look surprised and said, “Really?” Then they went into the student’s whole racial background, which I then told them shouldn’t really matter! (They were wrong, anyway.) I woke up thinking, what was that?!?!!
The next dream was me in my classroom, and the principal approached me asking if I could put in a blurb about some meeting or another in my newsletter, so I said okay. I took the newsletter and read over it and saw that I had written a little article on our new makua at our school at some hula event. Then like that, I was at my old halau. The makua was up in front, doing her oli and then my kumu hula came out and started talking to us. I looked around and saw some old hula friends, but also lots of teachers that I’ve worked with in the past. Then my kumu hula told us to go get snacks from the back of the room while she got ready, and all of a sudden, we were in like a workshop setting. There were tables and chairs set up like a dining hall in the studio! And in the back, a long table of refreshments. Everyone had gone up and I had stayed back, just looking around, observing, as I always do. Then when they started coming back and urging me to go get food, I stood up and went, but there was nothing but cookies. I got a plate, which was strangely floppy, but wandered through and got nothing. Then I sat down at a table and it was all teachers that I’ve worked with in the past, asking what I was up to now, how I was doing. Then I decided to go get a napkin (why? I had nothing on my plate?!) but when I went back, instead of cookies, there was a whole spread of roast pork, noodles, salad…I was thinking, how did I miss all this?. So I got my floppy plate and loaded up, but of course, it was floppy so nothing stayed on. Then I heard chanting from the next room and thought, oh no, they started already! So I left my plate there and went into the next room. Then I woke up again. WEIRD!
So if dreams are any indication, will that be what the new year hold for me? A funeral (hopefully not my mom’s…), a whole bunch of work, maybe a change of location? And then going back to hula? Hmmm. I guess we’ll have to see, huh?