bitterness and cucumbers

i have written maybe 709 s.o.c. posts already but i’m feeling burnt out so here’s another one, sorry. it is just so near the end and i feel so bleah already. but forge on i will, at least for today. tomorrow’s gonna take a whole lot more convincing! unless something happens that inspires me which i kinda hope doesn’t happen. i’ve had enough inspirations for this week. i hope drama dies down soon because it’s just too much. and i don’t want any bad blood either. such a libra huh? always trying to avoid conflict. but i can’t help it. i get so agitated inside whenever i know there’s conflict or people mad or something. so i have to try and avoid all that stuff though it’s hard. it’s difficult, but what can you do? heeheehee one of my kids wrote that and i was thinking gosh do i say that a lot? because i doubt he’d have heard it from his parents the way i say it. but i thought it was cute he wrote that and when i had to read it aloud to my colleagues when we were sharing our kids’ works, that just cracked me up. because yeah, what can you do? heeheeheehee.

i just love these how-to documentaries. i love “unwrapped.” i’m glad they brought it back and did many more episodes. when it first came out, i think they only had a few of these. but i love seeing how things are made. i love that other show, too, though i don’t know the title and i can’t get it at home because it’s a digital channel but whenever i’m at my mom’s house it just so happens to be on. i love it! i couldn’t even fathom how a trumpet would be made, but i saw it! even those little prism things! soooo cool. now on “unwrapped,” they’re showing food science. love it. i would totally love a job like that but i would be so terrible at it, though! i have no sense of taste. i mean, i can taste it, but i couldn’t tell you exactly what was in it, like my sister can. i just think that working behind the scenes like that is soooo neat. i know they’re probably all making minimum-wage in those factories but i think it’s a neat job to have. though i imagine it could be tiring, day after day. it probably is. still, i love learning about how things are made. i should be watching the dancing with the stars finale, because that is on right now after all, and i had been watching it all this time, but eh. after seeing the final 2, i really can’t get riled up to watch. well, i absolutely do NOT want one of them win, and it wouldn’t make me happy to see the other one win because of the partner so…i just decided not to watch. yeah, dumb, after having invested all that time into watching the series. but eh. i think i know who’s going to win, and i just don’t want to see it. it wasn’t like the last 4 where i actively rooted for one over the other, if not because i liked the one, but that i HATED the other, and so far 3 of them that i rooted for won, but i have a feeling that one i absolutely do NOT want to win will win, and even if that one doesn’t, then that means the one i don’t want to win because of the partner will and then what’s the sense in that? lose both ways. so i changed it over, and am now watching unwrapped. i missed this show! i used to watch it every monday but now i rarely catch it. ooo they’re showing how to make chewing gum. neat! i never chew gum. i don’t think i ever got into it? i can’t remember really chewing a lot when i was younger, though i remember like my sisters and friends were all into bubblelicious and bubble yum. i don’t know, i guess i didn’t get it. why do the work if you’re not going to swallow? you chew and chew and chew … and just get juice? strange. i prefer more meat to something i have to chew!

i am not hungry, but yet i feel like eating, and now that i wrote meat in the last sentence, it’s making that feeling worse. it’s like, you’re not hungry *yet* but you will be in a little while, so do you try to combat it by eating something now? or is it just your mind wanting to do something, so it’s trying to trick you into eating, when maybe you don’t even need it? i don’t know. minds are so tricky. they make you think you’re doing something but you’re actually doing something else and paying off something else. hmph. well i don’t know what’s making me want to munch but i just have that feeling, and for some reason, i’m inhaling in the vapors of a teriyaki sandwich or something shoyu-ey, maybe because i can’t have salt. i know sometimes i absolutely *crave* vinegar & salt potato chips, which is just cruel! i guess because i’m also thinking of the mcteri burger. it’s pretty good, if not too much mayo. yuck. but i like the teri sauce on that burger. and okay that just did NOT help any feelings of munchies i had a few minutes ago. *sigh* well off to find something to nibble on, hopefully there’s a cucumber in the fridge somewhere.

*sigh*

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