OH MY GOSH! wordpress gives prompts now?!?!?! where have you been all this time?!?!??!?!
thanks. let’s see, if i could go back in time and relive one day…would it be exactly the same? like, am i reliving it because it was such a good day and i want all those good feelings back again? or is it that i’m reliving it because i want to change it a little to make it better??? hmmm…
one to relive again just to relive it and revisit the feelings would be the birth of my son, which even though i said a bit in the post before (sorry, meant to be a once in a while drop in note, but WOW! prompts!!!), i still would like to rekindle all those feelings again–elation, worry, impatience, relief, pride–it was a scary, but happy time. not to mention–ouchie.
one to relive (i keep typing relieve!) again to be able to change it…that’s more difficult. there are several days i can think of that i would like to take back, as i know it put me on a course of heartbreak and disappointment. but what would i have done differently? and how can i guarantee that what i would do differently would put me on a better path? it might have (in my fantasies, it does), and it might have totally flipped my life upside down. i probably would not have the great, loving boy i have now, but would i have had more? it’s always the “what if”s, huh? and for someone who likes to think and reflect, the “what if”s are mighty dangerous.
hmm. i guess i would pick a date where i really struggled with a decision. i wanted it so bad and was excited for the change, yet i was so apprehensive at going into this new territory. and looking back now, i can see that it was a horrible outcome for me. what did i gain but heartbreak, white hairs, and a severe loss of confidence? i didn’t even really make any close friends or connections that have helped me later on down the road. so even though there are some romantic decisions that i think i would like to have changed, i think the one i most would have changed was the one where i moved into what i thought were “greener pastures,” but was instead a maggot-infested hellhole. if i had turned down the offer, i think i could have avoided that whole pain. would i have gotten it later on? perhaps, but honestly, not on the scale i had received it back then. i might’ve been older and more mature and more …trusted… to maybe not have done as bad as i did. i had never felt like a failure before (well, okay, once i got a ‘C’ on my progress report, and i did feel like an utter failure then, but that was nothing compared to this!). this just hit it on the head that i am not anything special and it made me become more of a realist. things are not so rosy any more. and really, with the troubles that have been going on in the past couple of years at the place where i left, it probably would have come to me, but again, i think i would have been better able to handle it. i don’t know. i just kinda think i would. and this happened after my son so my decision here wouldn’t affect his having been born or anything 🙂
oooh let’s see what other prompts this thing gives me! 😀