Archive for November, 2012

prompt 22

Friday, November 30, 2012
What has been the hardest part about blogging daily?

the hardest part for me, as always, is just finding something to write. once i get started, i usually can fill up the page with words pretty easily. it’s just trying to figure out what in the world i am going to write that takes me so long and is so agonizing!!! that’s why i enjoyed the prompts. and now i have a whole year to collect stories so i can be ready for next year! woohoo!

🙂

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prompt 21

Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tell us about three new blogs you found this year.

i have found many new blogs through searching through edublogs and google to find lessons or help with certain things. i was inspired to start my own but i did so badly at it! i guess i only really have time to write during the breaks. unless i’m crazy, and i sign up for nablopomo! 😛

prompt 20

Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tell us about the worst trip you ever took.

i don’t know that i’ve been on any that were completely terrible. i was shocked at the attitudes and demands that some people made when i was attending a conference in san antonio, but it wasn’t the people of san antonio, who i thought were rather patient with the rudeness of the other people attending the conference. but it was still a good trip in that i learned a lot, and i got to see some historic sites. 🙂

prompt 19

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
If you could instantly know any language in the world, which one would it be?

wow. i really don’t know! as i said yesterday, i really love languages, and i would love to be able to learn any one of them. i’d even like to try the african languages that are clicks! that must be so cool. i think i would also like to learn any dying language, to try and preserve it. i know one person won’t make a difference, but i’d record it, at least, so there’s a record of it. i also thinking learning greek or latin would be fun, just to see the origins of words we have in english, and see how it all connects. i’m a word nerd. 🙂

prompt 18

Monday, November 26, 2012
Do you speak more than one language? How did you learn the additional languages?

yes, i do.

i learned english as my primary language, though i guess people would call it “pidgin english” really. i wasn’t super bad but i know i didn’t know good grammar until later on.

my mother’s degree is in spanish; she even went to live in mexico for a while. so as we were growing up, she often taught us spanish phrases–and, of course, there was sesame street that would have some segments in spanish. when i got to high school, i decided i was going to take spanish; i had planned to go out-of-state for college, and i thought spanish would be good to learn for that. plus, i had my own help at home! 🙂 i took 3 years of spanish in high school.

i decided to “at first” attend the local college, and transfer later. i had to take an entrance exam for spanish so they could put me in the correct class level. i apparently did very well in the class (i always did like languages) and was told that i could take higher level 3rd year classes. since my university only required up to 202 (2nd year), i thought, well, if i take 1 3rd year class, that’ll prove that i can do up to 202, and i’d only have to take one class then (if i wanted to), instead of 4. so i signed up for a writing-intensive (hey, i loved writing!) spanish literature class. holy moly! biiiiig mistake. i was the lone freshman in a class full of upperclass spanish language majors. my teacher was from colombia, so when she spoke, she rattled off so quickly, that my poor 3rd year high school ears that only heard spanish from non-native speakers (not counting sesame street, but, of course, they spoke slowly) could not keep up. after totally bombing on my first writing assignment (she totally didn’t get my idioms that i used–she thought i was being literal. my fault.), i went to her asking to drop the class. she wouldn’t let me (probably because we had started as a class of 20 and it was down to 5). so i labored through, even when we did spanish poetry–poetry!!! i have a hard enough time with english poetry!!!–and completed the course, mostly because i think she felt sorry for me, so gave me breaks. anyway, that was my very last experience with spanish, save for the occasional dora and my trip to texas, where it came handy hearing what people thought of me. 🙂

so after that first semester of my freshman year, i decided i was done with languages. however, i was really into hula at this time. we had been traveling and dancing in competitions, and i was just in love with the language and dance, so i thought, well, since i’m dancing to these songs, i might as well know what they mean! right? so during the summer between my first and second year of college, i took the intensive hawaiian language classes–4 hours daily of language immersion (my teacher did not believe in pencils–she would remark that the paper is the smart one. we had to learn auditorily). and i absolutely fell in love with the language. i went on immersion retreats. i went to the weekly chats they had at the beach. i hung out with them every friday night to listen to local musicians. i learned and learned and learned. by the end of my time at college, i decided that i would then become an immersion teacher, and pass on what i have learned and what i loved dearly to the next generation, as cliché as that sounds.

i also ended up at a school where they were doing weekly japanese classes as part of the curriculum. so i would watch the tapes with my son, who was 2 at the time. so he and i learned japanese together. not enough to converse with anyone, mind you, but it was just enough to learn vocab here and there. that’s one language i regret not learning, because i was pretty much surrounded by it–my mom’s side only spoke a japanese-okinawan mixture. but because my mom was forced to go to japanese school every day after regular school, she hated it, and she refused to speak it to us. i guess they all did, because when she and her siblings went to high school, instead of taking japanese, which you know would’ve been an easy a for them, they all took spanish or french! i guess, anything to be more ‘american,’ which is sad to me. oh, well. it’s one language that i would like to learn, but from what i picked up from the tv lessons, i’m thinking it’s very complicated, and i would probably have a hard time. i think all i’m really fascinated with with the language is the writing. i would love to learn how to write all those letters. that would be so cool.

stage 4

my grandma is only expected to live 6-12 months more, with treatment. however, she is refusing all treatments because, as she says, it won’t cure her. we’re all pretty upset, but what can you do? my grandma is stubborn. and she’s also very depressing as she talks of things. she had always been very self-deprecating, but it had gotten pretty bad in the past couple of years. it just brings a tinge of sadness with everything she says and i cannot help but have a few tears roll down my cheeks, which only makes it worse, to her. i don’t blame her, though. i’d be totally depressed myself, and very reminiscent of the past, and full of regret for what hasn’t happened.

these are one of times i wish i was stronger emotionally.

weepy

i love the movie grease, so i was happy to see that glee was doing grease. i know these songs so well due to my watching this movie at least once a day every day of my youth. my sisters and i were obsessed! so although i don’t watch glee any more, i looked up the songs on youtube and enjoyed them this past week as they brought back many happy memories.

however, now there are two songs that i just cannot get out of my head, and they are the sad ones. i hate to feel so melancholy, but i really don’t know that going out into the open will make me feel any better. last night i found out that my grandma is in the hospital.

i thought it was sort of strange, when i saw her on thanksgiving. my grandma, though nearly 90, was always very strong, physically as well mentally. she always had a smile for you, and always insisted that you stop in for a little while, so she could make you something. and i guess, for me, not only being her first granddaughter, but also her namesake, she always seemed to look out especially for me. maybe not only because of the name and granddaughter thing, but she could sense that i needed looking after 😛 but you know? she always had a smile for me as soon as she saw me, and would wrap her arms around my shoulders and usher me in, making me sit so she could feed me something, talk about jeopardy!, and ask about life. so when we drove up and her dog started barking and barking, i thought it was strange that she had not appeared at the door right away to see who it was. it took her a long time to emerge.

when she did, she wasn’t smiling. it was like she didn’t see me, so i went up and said, hi, grandma! she didn’t respond. i was the first one out of the car, holding my dish, so i kinda looked back at everyone else at the car, and my grandma mentioned they were having dinner at my cousin’s house, down the driveway. so i walked over and set my dishes down, and then wondered why no one else had followed me. my cousin’s wife let me know that grandma wasn’t feeling well; she would not be coming to dinner. so i went back out, and saw the rest of them all standing there talking to my grandma. i thought maybe they didn’t know she wasn’t feeling well, so i went up to tell them, but they had started to walk over to my cousin’s, so i turned back and went in. i thought, oh, that’s what was off about grandma–she’s ill. but like always, i knew she was strong and would overcome it.

the rest of the night, the party grew and grew as more family members showed up. my cousin’s wife said to us that my grandma had quit smoking, cold turkey! she just hasn’t had the craving for it, my cousin’s wife said. the drawback was that they never saw her any more–all she would do was lie down, she wouldn’t come out every two hours and sit on the porch as she smoked her cigarette. now, i thought this was odd. my grandma didn’t even emerge? she has a dog that is her constant companion–she loved nothing more than taking him out and throwing a few tennis balls out so he’d get exercise. she loved to sit and watch the sunrise, and the sunset. she’d count the airplanes that flew past and knew the flight times pretty well, and always wondered where they were flying off, too. if she was not even coming out of the house–and not smoking–something was wrong. i could feel it.

a little later, my mom and my aunty were sitting and talking. my aunty lives in the house next to my grandma, and looks over her–takes her grocery shopping, doctor’s, visiting. my aunty was telling my mom about how frustrated she has been with my grandma–she knows something is wrong, but my grandma won’t tell her what’s wrong. not only has she stopped smoking, but my aunty said she barely eats at all. but when my aunty asks her what’s wrong, my grandma shrugs it off. my aunty brings her all kinds of food, but my grandma won’t eat. when grocery shopping, all my grandma wanted was cranberry juice. when my aunty asked why, she was told, “oh i just feel like drinking it.” my grandma has had kidney & bladder infections in the past, so whenever this happens, she always drinks cranberry juice, so my aunty thought this was what was going on. but my grandma denied anything was wrong.

the friday after thanksgiving, my aunty had had enough, i guess. although my aunty had her young granddaughter in tow for the whole weekend, she decided she would take my grandma to the doctor. the doctor advised that she be taken to the emergency room, because they’d be able to do tests right then and there, whereas the doctor would have to wait for the tests to be done, and then get the results back later. it was then, in the early afternoon of a happy friday of no work, that my mom (at whose house i was staying) got the call that grandma was in the hospital.

that put a damper on all our spirits. we just saw her yesterday! and, yes, she was not her usual self, but we thought she was just feeling under the weather. we didn’t think it was anything dire.

i had to go meet my dad, who lived near me, so i left, and then afterwards, i just stayed at my house, to check in with all the pets, but also, because i knew traffic would be horrible (the annual day-after-thanksgiving christmas parade), and there would be no parking. my sister texted me with worry about grandma, and i chimed in, too, that i was really worried. grandma was just not grandma, you know? i texted. she agreed something was off.

at about 9 at night, my sister texted me with the grim news. some tumors were found. because of her age, it was still up in the air about they were going to do. for now, she’s just being observed, getting necessary fluids, and medicine until they can decide what’s going to happen.

it’s okay, i tried to tell myself. my grandma will pull through. she’s strong! but the two saddest songs from glease, which i had been watching to try and take my mind off things, kept circling in my head. and it would only make me stop and cry. i tried to watch other videos, but i’d start crying as one song went over in my head. then i tried to watch netflix, but the ohter song would repeat. and i just couldn’t stop crying.

i did not sleep at all last night. i’m still hanging on, but imagine that i will soon be crashing for most of the day. or not, if other news comes in. i’m afraid of going to visit her, as i know i’d be a crying mess, and i don’t want to think of it as the “final” visit. but i know i will have to do that, soon. and it is breaking my heart.

prompt 17

Friday, November 23, 2012
What is the hardest word for you to say?

i have a hard time with good-byes. not like the casual bye you say at the end of the day, but like…a farewell-type of good-bye, when someone is leaving, whether it’s moving to a different place, or on to a different realm…it’s hard for me. my eyes fill with tears, and i can’t even choke the word out. i’m sure there are many people who are the same way, so i guess that’s pretty cliche of me, but it’s one word (or concept) that i have a difficult time with, and i really hope that i won’t have to say it, any time soon.

prompt 16

Thursday, November 22, 2012
When was the last time that you cried? Why?

i cry pretty often. i cry at commercials, gosh darn it! i cry when i read, when i hear someone cry, when i am just so proud of the young ones. i don’t think a day goes by without me shedding a tear or three! 😛

prompt 15

Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Where is your favourite place to read?

my favorite place is in bed, snuggled up beneath the blankets. 🙂

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