okay i had to talk about my first kiss for the other blog. so it got me thinking about him. like, would i recognize him if i saw him? i tried looking on facebook, but could not find him on there. so i decided to google him. oh the way we stalk now…

it just made me think of the ways i look for former lovers or friends. i google them. some i find, some i don’t. then i wonder about the ones i don’t find. like the one i think i only truly ever loved. did something happen to him? i can’t believe that he would have no digital footprint out there. he’s gotta be somewhere out there in the digital world. gotta be. is it that he’s no longer here? but if so, wouldn’t there at least be an obituary or something?

then i totally get scared. what if i do find out that he is no longer here–how would that affect me? that wouldn’t be too good, either. maybe it’s best not knowing. which is hard for a person like me who is constantly searching for information because i don’t like to be surprised. i don’t know how i’d handle knowing someone i loved has died, although i know it’s a great possibility, especially the older i get. sigh.

sometimes i think this great age of information causes us too much stress. :S


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