health

is this what it’s like to be older? always worrying about your health? i guess i’m hearing so many stories lately of people having cancer, and it makes me so sad to think about, knowing that you have a disease that has no cure yet. and i guess with my health the way it is now, i can’t help but think that i’m slowly building these things up in me. my dad was the same way when i was younger, so i’m wondering if it’s just a midlife crisis sort of thing? or is it genetics?

since my last scare, things have been weird. first of all, there’s this heartbeat thing. then there’s the lack of monthly visits. i can’t be heading towards menopause at this age, can i?? but as i’m reading up on this, that could be an explanation for the heartbeat thing. but then i also think that what if it’s cancer that’s causing this? i mean, i did get a surgery to clear the area out earlier this year but what if it came back? the person i was talking to whose daughter went through this, hers came back! i don’t know…i’m kinda scared. on one hand, i want to know as there could be a greater chance to deal with it the earlier it’s caught but at the same time i don’t want to stress out again like i did earlier. that’s not good, either.

or i wonder if it’s the stress? i seriously don’t feel very stressed but maybe all this health things on my mind is what’s causing me stress? i wish i could just relax and see. it’s hard to though when you realize how mortal you really are. not that i thought i was immortal when i was younger, but it just seemed a long, long way away. now it feels like it could just be around the corner. scary.

oh and i burned my finger. ouch.

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