i just did a survey on my ex. it’s been almost 20 years, i realized. i wonder how he’s doing. i think i’ve written about this before…just wanting to know what’s up with him. i’m not trying to win him back or anything–i’m just kinda curious to see what he’s up to. did he end up marrying that girl he was in love with? or did he move on? is he back to his bed hopping ways or has he settled down? does he have children? how is he handling midlife crisis? on and on and on…

it’s just weird i can’t find him anywhere. he’s gotta be out there somewhere; he had a pretty big footprint out there in the early ’90s when a lot of people were not on the internet yet…but he just disappeared. i have no idea what happened. i tried to fb message his best friend whom i found but he never answered me. i know he felt a little embarrassed about what happened because he was the one who kinda pushed the two of us together and wanted to see us work but when he ended up treating me like all the others did, i know his friend felt guilty and kinda avoided me after that. so it was kinda sad, i lost two friends then. but…life goes on, right? they come and stay for a while, and then leave. you just gotta keep on going…

it’s unhealthy but i think i’m going to spend the next hour or so just scouring the internet again for him. he’s gotta be somewhere! just to fulfill my curious nature…that’s all.


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